BSABSA Bantam 1963
(Adapted from "Vincent Black Lightning,1952" by Richard
Said Big Gladys to little Wally,"who owns that clapped out
motorbike? I wouldn't be seen dead on such a rusty heap of
Said Little Wally to Big Gladys, "don't demean my mean
machine -it's a BSA Bantam 1963 -
I've seen you at the Bingo night down at the King and Queen
Blue hair rinse and green wellies my favourite colour scheme
And if you'll step into the sidecar I fully do intend to take you
down to Brighton for the dirtiest of weekends."
Said Little Wally to Big Gladys "let's get this beast on the road-
Watch her when I rev her up really pump testosterone."
Said Big Gladys to Little Wally, "I think I'm going to freeze
Here in this sidecar with these oily rags and grease."
Wally said "for the sake of my machine I've indulged in all
Manner of unsavoury personal habits,
But when I get you in that hotel room we'll go at it like
He finally kick started it on the forty second try
Nought to forty miles an hour in twenty minutes flat
And off down the A3 they did fly.
Said Big Gladys to Little Wally along the Guildford bypass
"Which stupid pillock didn't listen to the weather forecast ?"
Driving into a blizzard, it was as like as was not
Trying to steer a snake through a barrel of snot,
And along the Hog's Back it finally expired
Water in the carburettor, ice on the spark plug wire
He swore at it and kicked it several times
But his BSA Bantam had died.
Said Big Gladys to Little Wally, "this is another fine mess
Stuck her in a layby in a state of acute distress-
Give me a man with a Reliant Robin or a Citroen 2CV
Not a BSA Bantam 1963."
Wally said "we can still have our night of passion and fun
We can taste the pleasures of the flesh if I stick out my thumb"
Said Gladys" that can never never be
Because I'm going off with this very nice man from the RAC-
Silly Pratt, the A3 doesn't go to Brighton, anyway.."
Said Big Gladys to Little Wally "who owns that clapped out
motorbike ? I wouldn't be seen dead on such a rusty heap of
Said Little Wally to Big Gladys "don't demean my mean
machine, it's a BSA Bantam, 1963"
"Born to be wild......"