In the Gateau

(And those stairs creak)
On a cold and dark November night
I creep down to the kitchen and my eyes
Catch sight of the gateau.
(And those scales don't lie)

Though I'm supposed to be losing weight
There staring at me on the plate is the gateau.

You gotta understand,
How I feel those hunger pangs
People don't you see
I can't live on lettuce and celery
Or I'm going to completely fade away.

(As my stomach churns),
Though I might get broad around the beam,
There's death by chocolate and treble cream in the gateau.
(This diet's against the rules).
Though I know my waistline's gonna pay the price
There are 3 million calories in every slice of the gateau.

I know my family doctor is the cause of all my trials
I can't live on rice cakes that taste like
Polystyrene tiles.
(And those scales don't lie.)

Though I've destroyed the evidence
I know I'm gonna feel the consequences of the gateau,
(And those scales don't lie)
As I put the empty plate back on that shelf,
I think even old Elvis himself was partial to the gateau
(And those scales don't lie)

I don't want to live on watercress
And you can't get will power on the NHS,
Gimme the gateau.
(And those scales don't lie).