Why are we crap at cricket ?
Now Francis Drake , so history tells, saw off those Spanish
And Wellington stuffed Bonaparte and all his Gallic tricks,
Old Adolf couldn't humble us, though he gave it his best shot,
With that gallant English spirit ,we saw off the bleeding lot.
We used to rule the waves, old chap, until quite recently.
But there's one thing I must declare, that's just a mystery.
Why are we crap at cricket
Why do we lose all the time,
When we invented the bloody game,
It seems like such a crime
We've heard all the lame excuses, the tested and the tried
And after all New Zealand they are a world class side,
We're so utterly pathetic, don't know if to laugh or cry,
Such complete embarrassment to dent the national pride.
There's 18 year old Sri Lankan bowlers who spread terror in
What ave we got? - thirtysomething puddings who just make
As our top and middle order batsmen go down like skittles
Its the national sport of fishing wildly outside the off stump.
Old geezers in blazers say 'tut tut' and blame the one day
But we're crap at that as well and its such a bleeding shame…
Play up and play the game keep a stiff upper lip
We still go down like ninepins and get slogged all round the
And when by fluke our opening pair knock up a few runs
We know it's all just a prelude to middle order collapse
Enter one stubborn Yorkshireman who can take it on't chin
Whops ! There he goes, lbw! and it all seems such a sin.
Chorus "Scotland under elevens"
We'll never get back the ashes, if we're completely candid
Even if the ozzies bowl blindfold , underarm and left handed
We're so completely useless with no bottle and no skill.
You just know that we'll screw up and I suppose we always will
Is it the lack of long hot summers or no youngsters coming
Eh 'ang about we've won the toss, there's something we can do
Chorus "those Japanese girl guides"