1. He(C) painted windmills, fields and flowers,
And spent many a pleasant hour
Like many (Am)Dutch painters who had gone be(Dm)fore.
Though his(F) forms were somewhat indistinct
There was(C) nothing there to make you think
That (G)Mondriaan could take the world by(C) storm.

2. (C)Now and then he sold one or two
For friends to hang up in the loo
For(Am) nowt but just a few odd shillings and(Dm) pence
When(F) suddenly he realised,
As the(C) scales came falling from his eyes,
There are(G) people out there with much more money than(C)

And he painted(C) parallel lines in black,
Some thick some(Dm) thin,
And(G) rectangles (some of which he coloured(C) in,)
In yellow, blue, red (but not green,)
His(Dm) paintings can be seen
Sit(G) back and watch the cash come rolling (C) in.

3. Now(C) Jackson Pollock could wield a brush
And came out with some nifty stuff
And(Am) saw what Mondriaan had done for(Dm) art,
Said(F) to himself "I'll have a bash
At(C) finding pillocks with loads of cash"
(He(G) lived in the America so he had a head(C)start!)

4. He(C) said "Now I will fool them all"
And put his canvas on the floor,
And(Am) threw paint at it from a very great(Dm) height,
And(F) all the people gazed on with wonder
And(C) said
"but is it art, Miranda?"
And(G) paid a fortune for this load of(C) sh…ining examples of
20th century neo-plasticism.

And he painted(C) splashes and drips and drops and blibs
and(Dm) blobs
To the a(G)mazement of all those arty(C) snobs,
He said "I've opened up the gates
If you can(Dm) piss then you can paint
And(G) in the process earn yourself a few(C) bob."

5. So (C)everyone can have some fun,
Paint with your willy or your bum
And(Am) you'll create a modern work of(Dm) art
(F)Everywhere Mondriaans are seen
With a(C) load of Pollocks in between
So(G) let's go out and get an Arts Council(C) grant.

6. Just(C) bullshit you will fool them all
And get work on the gallery wall
(Am)Maybe even become a million(Dm)naire
Scape(F) up some dogmess covered in fllies
And(C) you might win the Turner Prize
The(G) world's your oyster if you only (C)dare.

So paint those(D) splashes and drips and drops and splits
and(Em) splats,
And(A) even include a couple of matchstick(D) cats,
Go on have a bash
And(Em) paint that pebbledash
And (A)sell it to a load of pretentious(D) prats.